Last and finial post!

Finally! The project is done, I can say this has been fun and a pretty good experience for me and I am glad I kept with it. This is the last blog, it is a relief for me to be writing my last blog and knowing I am almost caught up on everything feels good. Knowing that I have stayed true to my feelings and not bottled everything up is pretty good feeling.

I have changed a lot and have learned a lot from doing this project. Knowing now what I could have done if I really tried and everything I would have done this years ago. I am glad I did this though. I have learned that you are stuck with what you have around you, but you can change it as much as you can to make it a little better and not so much bothering you and beating yourself over it all. I have learned that you can not always get what you want still, and that everyone goes through depression, it is life. If you make the best of your life and just try and have fun and do not let everything get to you so much, and take everything with a grain of salt, you will feel better about yourself. I have changed because now I know what I can do to help myself out when I start getting really down and upset in healthy ways instead of the not so healthy ways as before. I have changed my attitude towards different things and people, I have changed my friends, I have lost many friends, but I have gained so many great ones in return, I love this.

My mom and I still do not get along the best, but I know if I need her she will be there, and I will continue trying to keep up getting a closer friendship with her, but if it does not happen, well then there just is not much I can do about it because of the fact, it really is not my fault. I can not just sit there and stress and feel bad because my mom really does not have that connection with me, yeah it kind of hurts, but there really is not much I can do to change it. I wish it would be different between her and I, but it is life and I am lucky to have anything with her then nothing with her at all. That goes for the same with my dad, it is his loss that he lost so much time from my childhood to get to know me and be a big part of my life, he has been there, but not as much as a dad should. I still talk to him, and sometimes see him, not that much though, but I am not going to let my self esteem go to nothing because I do not have good relationships with my parents.

My friends are what I count on the most and care for the most, it is hard trusting still, but I am still working on it and I am getting better with it all. As for getting in contact with my grandparents and everyone up north again is going okay, I talk to there here and there on facebook and actually talked to my grandma about what as wrong the other day which was nice, I miss her, and I am planning on going up to see my family soon.

I am happy with the way everything has turned out from this project, it was a great experience and it has made me a little better of a person, and I am going to keep up with everything. This was a pretty exciting project !

Second to last.

So the plans with my dad got canceled again, which always happens so it's not like it is a major surprise something like this would happen, but it is hard to get canceled on when I'm trying to make peace with him, and have him be a part of my life since he was gone so much in my childhood. My mom hes been a complete wreck, and me and her just can not help but just but heads, and it sucks but I do not know what to do about it anymore. I am still trying because we have our good days. But with her rarely making time for me because she is always worried about her boyfriend and me have work and school kind of makes it easier when we do talk we are not so up tight about everything and getting on each others last nerves.

I have better control of my anger and when to show what's wrong and when to not show what's wrong, not is it a good thing to hold things in, but to know when there is the time to talk about it and when not to talk about it. It has helped, I know now how to ask for help when I need it, no matter if it is just to listen to what is wrong that is not to personal. If it is more personal and something that I do not want anyone to know, I have that little list of people I know I can go to and talk to them when ever about about whatever it is I need to talk about.

Not only have I learned to talk to people about being honest, but learning how to deal with it in a good manner and not be like I used to be, sometimes it is hard, but as the days go on it is easier. I love knowing if you try hard enough you can do anything you set your mind to and can easily make a difference if you just keep trying, and the main thing was to open up to people you trust and to be honest with yourself as well as being honest with everyone around you. It is still a tad on the hard side, but the days get easier. I have been helping with people I know that need someone there, cause it is not fun and it feels good to do good and to be of help.

I actually have kept up staying healthy and working out and everything which makes everything so much easier, because I feel good about myself. I love how this project has made me a lot better and a stronger person throughout this I know I can be better then what I thought I was and made myself out to be.

number 6.

My mom and I never seem to get along no matter how hard I try. I just do not get it anymore. It is like I am not good enough. I have been better about being true to myself. However, it would be nice if my mom and I could just get along a lot more, but it is life. I have three friends I go to all the time for everything and can talk about anything and that helps a lot. I did that last night, I had a lot going on and instead of getting all upset and hiding what was wrong and shutting everyone out, I actually talked about what was going and it helped out a lot, it made me feel a lot better. Also me trying to be more health conscious has helped me out a lot to, and working out, I feel a lot better about myself and I am not always so upset and depressed as bad anymore. I have realized another way to let out stress, is staying more active, it makes me feel better in the end.

My sister and I have a lot in common and I know she is like the only family member that I can go to and she will keep it all to herself and between her and I. We never used to get a long, we still do not get along a majority of the time, but she is always there when I need someone no matter what time it is or what it is about, she is like one of my best friends, I do not know what I would do with my sister honestly. I have always been straight up with her and told her exactly how I feel, so it is nice to have that in my life, even though we do not get along half the time.

I have not talked to my grandparents in a few days, but I am planning on going to see them soon. I probably will go up there for winter break, which is always exciting for me to go up there for a few, I love it there it is so peaceful and it feels like home. I just think it is not only because I get to see my family I do not normally get to see, but something about being in the country makes me just feel like I am free and have no worries which is the best feeling in the world I love it so much. I am planning on seeing my dad soon, which is scary for me because we normally do not talk much, and when we do, it always ends up not in the best terms. Lately it has been better, my dad and I are a lot alike, and I think that is why we but heads so much, but lately with everything going on, I am really calm and not so stressed and it feels good. I think that I am finally getting back to myself and not so depressed anymore, it feels really good. I feel really good about myself, which makes it even better.