I'm already half way there

I called my dad the other day and we were actually on talking terms for a few days. Now it is back to how it was, I do not get it, I try and try and nothing happens. Between my mom and I has gotten a little bit better. We have had our bad days, but we are getting somewhere, I can actually have a conversation with her for more then five minutes now without fighting with her, which is good. Although I am never home, rarely am I ever. I am either at school, at work, or off somewhere doing something, or sitting on my bed doing my homework is really all I ever do. It is not the best idea that I have some what isolated myself from my friends and family. I have been a lot better about being true to myself and not just bottling everything up and not talking about my feelings, sometimes people have to get it out of me, but it does not happen that much. Asking for help is the hardest thing I think I have ever had to do. I am still working on that, but I am making progress.

I have got back in touch with my grandparents and my family up north what has been very nice. I missed them, and I might go up there soon, when I am up there, it feels like I am at home, I love it there, not only is it the country, but I love that part of my family with everyone. I am up there I have no worries, until the day I go home, but it all just comes back when I get home. They are people that I know I can always turn to and they will listen to me with whatever it is and they will do the best to help me, which I need. I do not know what I would do without them. Dealing with depression is not the funnest thing I have done, but it has made me a happier person.

I just need to start talking to my mom about things more and opening up to her some more, I miss how me and her were before everything happened. There is not much I can do about it other then try to get that back with her. Opening up to her, is like facing my fears, but I know I can do it. This whole project has opened my eyes more, and has helped me be a better person, and not so keep to myself kind of thing, I know how to talk about things, but I still need to come face to face with myself and tell myself when there is something wrong with me, and talking about what is wrong. For granted I hate change, but it will be worth it in the end. It is a difficult task but I have come a long way and I am not giving up on it now.

Hardest thing 4 me.

Opening up to my mom has not been fun. Trying to get close with her is way to hard. Dealing with my depression has not been any easier. Though, I have done a lot to keep my mind off the negative stuff. I do not go to counseling anymore, which in my defense it has helped me better, not because I just hide what is wrong, but because I have set challenges for my self I have never even tried to do. My mom and I fight a lot more lately, because of the economy and just stress on both of us, for money and for school it just is hard. I have set away from all the kids who did not really help with everything and just brought me down on doing ridiculous stuff. Every since I found a new group of friends and stopped everything that was not healthy or good for me, has made me feel a little better about myself.

My dad and I just started talking again, and it has been hard for me to talk to him, the nights I have, I would hang up and cry really hard. But I always found someone to talk to. I have not seen my dad, brother, or sister in 3 or 4 months, it is hard because I love my little brother more then anything and that is really the only reason I still talk to my real dad. For granted it hurts me, but I take the pain. We do have some pretty good times, we have had some heart to heart conversations, but just is not for me. I hardly talk to my dads side of the family anymore, which sucks because they are really the only family I have other then my mom, grandma, and my uncle. There was drama over the summer where my family found out about a lot I did over the summer and found out a lot about me that they did not know. They were not to happy and were disappointed on me, but it has gotten better, to a degree. I miss my dad the most, growing up I was always a daddy's girl. It has been nice getting back in touch with him again, it has helped a lot knowing he cares.

My mom and I probably will never work out our differences. Ever since I was a girl it has been hard for me to talk to my mom. I have tried to open up to her, but when we fight she just you could say verbally abuses me. I normally do not listen but just it does not help with my depression. The depression has been a tad worse lately only because of the seasons changing and a lot other things going on right now, so I do not know where I am going to end up, but if I keep up the work and do not let it and the negativity and negative thoughts get to me, then I am sure that it will work out a little better, I am not saying that it is going to make everything better. I have realized no matter what something is always going to go wrong, but it is not the end of the world.

Until next time, lets hope everything goes well.

Last emotion cd :'(

Okay, so my last CD is done, my fear CD. I’m kind of sad to see my project come to an end, this has been the most fun project that I’ve ever done. Now, this fear CD was probably the hardest one for me to make simply because I don’t think I was specific enough in the type of fear I meant, so it ended up being fear in general. All in all I think this one turned out really well, especially since I wasn’t really sure what I was doing at first. Okay, for the last time, here is my track list.

1. Waterfalls – TLC
2. Unpretty – TLC
3. Unfaithful – Rihanna
4. Tattoo – Jordin Sparks
5. Second Chance – Shinedown
6. The Rape of the World – Tracy Chapman
7. Cold Feet – Tracy Chapman
8. Remember the Tinman – Tracy Chapman
9. Unwanted – Avril Lavigne
10. Anything But Ordinary – Avril Lavigne
11. Should’ve Known Better – Richard Marx
12. Russians – Sting
13. Fortress Around Your Heart – Sting

Looking back on my project, this has been a pretty good experience. I really enjoyed this project. The songs that I chose for each CD were my favorite in each category. I loved my project, I loved making the CD’s and searching through the songs. Maybe I feel so good about it because, while everyone else had all summer, I did it in just a couple of weeks. I felt kind of rushed, but no more so than I do while working on a journalism deadline. I think it was the rush that helped to make it so fun for me, it’s just that I love pushing myself, and when you only have so much time, you kind of have to. This was a fun project that I’m not likely to forget anytime soon. Thanks for the great experience. The Kingsolver blog will be up with the week.

My sleepy songs *yawn*

Okay, so this is my sleepy CD. Warning: May cause drowsiness! This one was another pretty easy one. One of the songs on here kind of had sentimental value to me, this was one that my dad used to sing to me when I was really little to get me to go to sleep, so naturally that would go on this CD. This CD made me kind of tired, but that was kind of the point wasn’t it? This one has 13 tracks; I know that this one is kind of shorter than the last one, but making this actually made me tired, so it was kind of hard to keep listening to songs that just made me want to go to bed. Okay okay, I get it. Shut up Krissy; give the nice people the track list.

1. Lullabye – Billy Joel
2. Sunshine on My Shoulders – John Denver
3. Silent Sea – KT Tunstall
4. The Crystal Ship – George Winston
5. Love Song to A Ballerina – George Winston
6. Pour Les Tierces – Claude Debussy
7. Moonlight – Claude Debussy
8. Valse Romantique – Claude Debussy
9. The Fairy Queen – Clannad
10. Swee’ Pea – Basie, Count Orchestra
11. It Was A Very Good Year – Frank Sinatra
12. I’ll Only Miss Her – Harry Connick Jr.
13. Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off – Harry Connick Jr.

I suppose it seems fitting that I did this CD before I went to bed; it sure got me sleepy enough to head to bed. Even now, writing this blog, as I listen to it all again, I’m getting kind of tired. So this CD is done, the next and final one will be fear, and after that I’ll wrap it up with one last post. I’m almost sad to see this project end, I really enjoyed it. I hope everyone has had as much fun as I have, the next one will be out tomorrow.

I'm a wizard, look how fast this is getting posted

See, I told you, only a few minutes to post the next one, I know, I’m just that quick. So this CD, the excited one, was pretty easy to make. All it really took was finding some really upbeat songs with good lyrics. The songs in this are pretty much just songs that have a really good beat to them, songs that make me want to get up and dance, who knows maybe they’ll make you want to dance too. However, if you’re like me, I suggest dancing off to the side, because let’s face it, I can’t dance. These songs are just really fun and I hope everyone has as much fun listening to them as I did. Since I know you were going to ask, here’s the track list:

1. I’m Alright – Kenny Loggins
2. It’s Raining Men – Disco
3. I Saw the Sign – Ace of Base
4. Potential Breakup Song – Aly and AJ
5. Knock On Wood – Amii Stewart
6. Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy – Andrews Sisters
7. New Age Girl – Deadeye Dick
8. The Theme from Grease – cast of Grease
9. Fame – Irene Cara
10. Play That Funky Music – Wild Cherry
11. I’m So Excited – Pointer Sisters
12. Man I Feel Like A Woman – Shania Twain
13. Future So Bright Wear Shades – Timbuk 3
14. Life Is A Highway – Tom Cochrane

Some of these songs may seem oldish, but they made me smile and yeah, made me dance around my room like the weirdo that I am. It’s kind of crazy, but I made this one when I was in a pretty bad mood and this just immediately lifted me up. It’s a little strange that music can have that kind of effect on me, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Now we’ve reached the point where you’re wondering, what’s next. Well don’t worry, I’m going to tell you, the next CD will be Sleepy, it will be posted tonight.

Number 5! Woo!

Okay, so the calm CD is finished now. It has 16 tracks on it, all of which have moderately slow beats. Warning, this may make you feel insanely relaxed. You have been warned, I am no longer responsible for any feelings of relaxation that you may experience listening to these songs. The track list? Okay okay, I’ll tell you. Impatient much?

1. So Far Away – Carole King
2. Just the Way You Are – Billy Joel
3. Sweet Baby James – James Taylor
4. Operator(That’s Not the Way it Feels) – Jim Croce
5. Photographs and Memories – Jim Croce
6. Time In a Bottle – Jim Croce
7. Annie’s Song – John Denver
8. Dust In the Wind – Kansas
9. I Believe In Love – Dixie Chicks
10. Cry – Faith Hill
11. Theme From Harry’s Game – Clannad
12. Only A Woman’s Heart – Eleanor McEvoy
13. Cry to Heaven – Elton John
14. Chloe – Elton John
15. Suteki Da Ne – Nobuo Uematsu
16. Life Is a Boat – Rei Fu

I think I succeeded in adding enough variety in this one. You’ll notice that two of these songs, Suteki Da Ne and Life Is a Boat, aren’t even in English. For the most part they have very slow beats, with the exception being the two songs in Japanese. The artists I chose for this one are some that some people can automatically say, “Oh! I know them!” However, there are also some that most people may not have heard of quite yet. I don’t know of many people that can spend hours on YouTube listening to Japanese songs. There are also some songs from different cultures that perhaps people may not have been exposed to, as well as some older songs that people may not have heard of, although I severely doubt that one. I mean come on, who hasn’t heard of Elton John and Carole King? Well, that wraps up this CD and this blog. The next one, which, believe it or not will be posted in a few minutes, is the excited CD.

Told you it would be out tonight :)

Okay, so the funny CD so far has been the most fun to make. I laughed like an idiot a lot of the time making this one. Some of the ones a lot of people may not have heard, or maybe they’re just as big of geeks as I am, I don’t know. There are 17 tracks on this one, which I know is more than last time. Hey, can you blame me? This one was just a blast to make! Yes, I realize, there is a bit of Weird Al on here. Typical, I know. That man just makes me laugh.

1. Your Brains – Jonathan Coulton
2. Code Monkey – Jonathan Coulton
3. Feel Like I’m Fixing to Die – Country Joe and the Fish
4. Kill the Wabbit – Dr. Demento
5. Last Will and Temperment – Frantics
6. Boot to the Head – Dr. Demento
7. They’re Coming to Take Me Away – Dr. Demento
8. I’m Too Sexy – ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic
9. White & Nerdy – ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic
10. Amish Paradise – ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic
11. The Night Santa Went Crazy – ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic
12. The Saga Begins –‘Weird Al’ Yankovic
13. I’ve Got a Theory – Buffy the Vampire Slayer Musical Soundtrack
14. Hakuna Matata – Baha Men
15. Fish Heads – Barnes and Barbes
16. Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh – Allan Sherman
17. Popstar (Rockstar Spoof) – YouTuber “JamesatWar”

Everyone should listen to these songs; they are surely guaranteed to get you laughing on your worst day, simply hilarious! Now, what’s the next emotion you may ask? The next one will be the calm CD which will be out tomorrow. This one will be pretty slow for the most part, but I suppose that could have gone without saying. That’s it for this one guys, keep a look out for the latest one.

The Anger CD is HERE

Okay, so the angry CD is finally done! I was kind of hoping to get this one out sooner, but hey, at least it’s done right? Okay, so little outline of this CD, I did add some more variety in the bands and yes, in decades. This one was kind of fun to make, it may sound a little crazy since this was my angry CD, but hey, it was fun to make, so oh well. This one has 14 tracks and all of them are songs that I’ve always enjoyed. Yeah, I know, Krissy is crazy for liking the angry music, just call me psycho. The track list? I’m glad you asked.

1. Hate My Life – Theory of a Deadman
2. Peace Sells – Megadeth
3. Disposable Heroes – Metallica
4. 18 and Life – Skid Row
5. Master of Puppets – Metallica
6. Because of You – Nickelback
7. Another Hole In the Head – Nickelback
8. Too Gone Too Long – Randy Travis
9. What I’ve Done – Linkin Park
10. A Sorta Fairytale – Tori Amos
11. Turn the Page – Bob Seager
12. Nobody’s Fool – Cinderella
13. Cumbersome – Seven Mary Three
14. Youth Gone Wild – Skid Row

Some of this may be depressing but it was some of the angriest music I could find on my laptop, and hey, I think it turned out pretty well. There were a few times during this one that I seriously thought about head banging, lame I know. Oh well. A few of the bands on here are on the CD more than once, well that’s for a couple reasons. For one, I enjoyed their music more, and two, they just made the whole angry theme really easy. The next blog will be out within the hour. The emotion this time will be funny. Look out for it!

3rd.

So it has been getting a lot harder since school has started keeping up with everything, and trying to stay positive and keeping a smile on my face. I have gotten more distant with my mom and I barely talk to my dad anymore, he pretty much hates me. I do not talk to any of my family anymore. My mom and I were doing really good over the summer to a degree, we fought, but I was really close with her, closer then I have been with her, but lately we have become so distant and so hard to understand of one another it is really hard to even say anything to her anymore. This time of year with does not help trying to deal with my depression, because around this time, I just get so upset, sad, and really depressed. I do not know what it is about this time of year. The days are getting harder, but I am still trying.

The journal I was doing has not helped much with everything. I have opened up to more people though and have been talking to more and more people about what is going on. School has been stressful which does not help all to much, but I will say I am learning more and more how to like not let everything get to me so much, and it has helped and me knowing when I need help and when to get it is a good thing. I used to bottle everything up, and just never talk to anyone, and take it out on myself. Lately that has not happened to much, I have been a lot better about it all. I feel better about myself, and the goals I have set I am getting there. Slowly but surely I am getting there.

Lately music has been my escape. I listen to it 24/7 and just when I listen to it I will drawl or I will write, I just get lost in what I am doing, I tune everything and everyone out. I feel so good about myself and I am actually happy, and doing something healthy, not just anything to escape. It seems like since I have turned away from all my old friends and have been trying harder, I have been a little more happy. It is just hard with everything going on with my mom. I really hope it gets better in time.

Second CD is DONE

Okay, the second CD is done! This one was a little harder for me to do, and okay, I cried a little bit. All in all I think that it turned out pretty well though. I tried to make the different songs vary in genre as best I could, while still staying with the songs that I like. In this one there is some Neil Diamond, Suzanne Vega, Billy Joel, Garth Brooks, Taylor Swift, and Avril Lavigne. There are only twelve tracks on this one, and the last one had 20, but this one, like I said wasn’t quite as easy for me to do. I know by this time you’re just dying to hear the track list, well patience people, I’m getting there.
1. Don’t Tell Me – Avril Lavigne
2. Too Much To Ask – Avril Lavigne
3. Where Do We Go From Here – Buffy the Vampire Slayer Musical
4. Back to December – Taylor Swift
5. You Don’t Bring Me Flowers – Neil Diamond
6. Love on the Rocks – Neil Diamond
7. Luka – Suzanne Vega
8. Leningrad – Billy Joel
9. Downeaster “Alexa” – Billy Joel
10. Thunder Rolls – Garth Brooks
11. The Dance – Garth Brooks
12. Baby Grand – Billy Joel
Okay, looking at that list, I realize that I probably could have varied the genres a little more. It seems like most of that list is country. Oops. I’ll work on that for my next CD, which in case you were wondering, will be the anger CD. The rule for this one, cut the country out, this past one had enough in it for the next one as well. Also, looking at this, I realize a better name would have been sadness, but oh well.
Keep an eye out for the next one! I’ll try to get it up tonight, that way you won’t die of anticipation, not that you would, but you know, just in case.

Emotion CD's Have Begun

Okay, so it took a REALLY long time to think of what to do for this blog assignment. It finally hit me, I mean literally hit me. My CD case fell on me, and WHAM! Instant blog idea! The plan is to make eight emotions mix CD’s. The emotions will be: happy, pain, anger, fear, funny, sleepy, calm, and excited! I’m pretty excited about it! The songs are going to come from my own collection and they will be the songs that best evoke that emotion in me, I think this is going to be a very fun project and I just can’t wait to get started! Nothing but me and all my favorite music♫♪ I really think this is going to be a whole new kind of project, I’ve never had this much control over what I did for an assignment and it’s pretty cool. The first CD that I think I’m going to do is my happy CD.

2 hours later:

It’s done! My happy CD is done. Want to know the track list? I knew you would.

1. Larger Than Life - the Backstreet Boys

2. Wanted Dead Or Alive - Bon Jovi

3. You Give Love A Bad Name - Bon Jovi

4. I’ll Never tell – Buffy the Vampire Slayer Musical Soundtrack

5. Genie In A Bottle – Christina Aguilera

6. What A Girl Wants – Christina Aguilera

7. Say My Name – Destiny’s Child

8. Wide Open Spaces – Dixie Chicks

9. I’ll Be There To Catch You – Drake Bell

10. Superman – Eminem

11. All Around Me – Flyleaf

12. Here For The Party – Gretchen Wilson

13. Hollaback Girl – Gwen Stefani

14. The Tide Is High, Get The Fee – Atomic Kitten

15. Hollywood – Jonas Brothers

16. Since U Been Gone – Kelly Clarkson

17. Must Get out – Maroon 5

18. Let’s Dance – Miley Cyrus

19. Photograph – Nickelback

20. I Write Sins Not Tragedies – Panic At The Disco

Next is my pain CD, look out for it!