Opening up to my mom has not been fun. Trying to get close with her is way to hard. Dealing with my depression has not been any easier. Though, I have done a lot to keep my mind off the negative stuff. I do not go to counseling anymore, which in my defense it has helped me better, not because I just hide what is wrong, but because I have set challenges for my self I have never even tried to do. My mom and I fight a lot more lately, because of the economy and just stress on both of us, for money and for school it just is hard. I have set away from all the kids who did not really help with everything and just brought me down on doing ridiculous stuff. Every since I found a new group of friends and stopped everything that was not healthy or good for me, has made me feel a little better about myself.
My dad and I just started talking again, and it has been hard for me to talk to him, the nights I have, I would hang up and cry really hard. But I always found someone to talk to. I have not seen my dad, brother, or sister in 3 or 4 months, it is hard because I love my little brother more then anything and that is really the only reason I still talk to my real dad. For granted it hurts me, but I take the pain. We do have some pretty good times, we have had some heart to heart conversations, but just is not for me. I hardly talk to my dads side of the family anymore, which sucks because they are really the only family I have other then my mom, grandma, and my uncle. There was drama over the summer where my family found out about a lot I did over the summer and found out a lot about me that they did not know. They were not to happy and were disappointed on me, but it has gotten better, to a degree. I miss my dad the most, growing up I was always a daddy's girl. It has been nice getting back in touch with him again, it has helped a lot knowing he cares.
My mom and I probably will never work out our differences. Ever since I was a girl it has been hard for me to talk to my mom. I have tried to open up to her, but when we fight she just you could say verbally abuses me. I normally do not listen but just it does not help with my depression. The depression has been a tad worse lately only because of the seasons changing and a lot other things going on right now, so I do not know where I am going to end up, but if I keep up the work and do not let it and the negativity and negative thoughts get to me, then I am sure that it will work out a little better, I am not saying that it is going to make everything better. I have realized no matter what something is always going to go wrong, but it is not the end of the world.
Until next time, lets hope everything goes well.
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